I know, I know. Everybody just loves it when I tear a place a new asshole, right? Well, I don’t particularly love it. Unfortunately, these things happen. And by these things I mean the incredible combo of shit service, shit food and even a few fruit flies! Gotta love all of that. Here’s the story.

I was invited to join a group of around 8 ladies who had chosen to dine at The Common Table. I’m not a huge fan but I certainly didn’t hate the place. I’m game! My positive attitude hat was on.

It was a Thursday night at 7:30.

We were seated inside (thank the lord because it’s hot as balls) promptly. So far so good.

Our waitress gruffly came around and took some drink orders. Admission: some of the chicks wanted vodka instead of whisky in their cocktails. This annoyed our server, which is fine, but she showed it. Which isn’t really fine.

We ordered food, and yes there were a lot of little special requests, because that’s what 20-somethings do. I, however, ordered the meatloaf exactly how it comes. I wasn’t going to cause any trouble for this already quite huffy waitress. Huffy as in she was in a clear huff from the moment we saw her, not that she’s a bicycle. So FYI from now on I’m going to call her Huffy. Now that that’s cleared up, here’s the food situation.

Everything that came to the table, with few exceptions, was either wrong or bad or both.

Exhibit A: My meatloaf with mac n cheese, green beans, tomato sauce and parmesan cheese. The meatloaf (like the burgers that two other girls ordered) was so finely ground that it looked and tasted like processed fake meat. Not appetizing. Not delicious. But the loaf part was the best part of the meal for me. The tomatoes and cheese were plentiful, but wet. The mac n cheese wasn’t bad, really, but it wasn’t good. The green beans were the worst offender, tasting exactly like lighter fluid. That’s always good. I’m glad nobody struck a match or I would have had to say goodbye to my eyebrows.

Bad things:
— Side salad contents were wilted and/or old.
— Again, turkey burger patties were ground to death and ground again.
— Cocktails requested with vodka came with liquor and Huffy huffed and puffed about it.
— Cocktails were slammed down by Huffy. Super awesome service.
— The overall attitude of Huffy was really fucking awful. She obviously hated us from the get-go and we weren’t that bad. Seriously.
— LOTS of fruit flies. Like all around the table, and even in the ladies room. This does not inspire confidence.

Good things:
— The French fries that came with a friend’s turkey burger were tasty! They were supposed to be a salad, but the were still good. I ate them instead of most of the dish pictured above.
— The staff was kind enough to change a TV to some sports thing a girl at the table requested. I didn’t give two shits, but I suppose this counts as a good thing.
— I have always liked the music they play up in there. Somebody’s iPod is on point.

Overall, The Common Table is pretty much dead to me. It wasn’t great before, and now this is inexcusable. If you go there and love it, by all means, keep on going. If you’re gonna just go grab some drinks on the patio, do that. Sure. But if you are thinking of trying it for dinner, and possibly risking a perfectly good night trying to eat there, I would strongly caution against it. Bitch foot down.

Rant over.