Okay, folks. Let’s talk about Portland, Oregon, shall we? My inlaws moved to Portland somewhat out of the blue a short time ago, and now it’s on the map for me. Knowing I’ll soon get to know this hippie/vegetarian/coffee-obsessed city over multiple visits per year every year for the foreseeable future, this first visit we hit some of the highlights. We took a good look at the line for Voodoo Doughnuts, peeked inside and kept on walking. Yes, I know Voodoo was the first of its kind. The doughnut on crack, if you will. But with Hypnotic less than a mile from my house, I’ll not wait in line for this. Thanks anyway, Portland. I’m sure your bacon donuts are amazing.

Portland is REALLY obsessed with Voodoo Doughnuts. There’s even a Rogue beer made with the smoky (I’m told) flavor of a bacon maple doughnut. As I am not a fan of a) beer, b) doughnuts or c) bacon, this is not a beer for me. But it does assert the dominance of Voodoo over all of Portlandia.

 This is some street food I can get behind. Called an “elephant ear,” this guy was like a cinnamon sugar-covered flattened bread/funnel cake. I ain’t mad at all of that.

Next we sampled more street festival food. These were potato and cheese perogies. Served up with sour cream and grilled onions. A snack — HA!

The next night, we ventured back to the downtown area (I think) to a restaurant with an hour wait, at 9pm. It was called Andina and it’s worth the wait. We put our name down, headed to Rogue for a drink and came back an hour later ready to down some serious tapas. And this place delivered. Pictured above? White sangria with pineapple.

Cheese tapa. Loved every one of them.

These were yuca stuffed with cheese… they tasted like croquettes. Incredible.

My favorite of the night, chicharrones de pollo, were flattened chicken pieces coated with quinoa and fried way crispy. Served with a sweet sauce that I could have lapped up with my face.

Quick amuse of artichoke…

The only main we ordered — and I’m so glad we did — lomo saltado. Incredibly tender beef and vegetables with yucca fries and rice that tasted almost like sushi rice. It was an asian/peruvian revelation.

Portland is known for their coffee. This latte with its beautiful leaf design was from Ristretto Roasters, which was part of our tour of the street Tasty & Sons is on. While we waited a whopping one-and-a-half hours for our three seats at the bar. {heavy sigh} Let’s move on.

Found this little place during our 1.5 hour walkabout. Mark my words: I will have this “Jew” Cuterie Board and it will be mine all mine!!!

Back to Tasty & Sons. It’s a really fucking cute place. The people are nice, they’ve got like 8 kinds of bloody mary’s, and the food is great. But I have to say it’s not 1.5 hours great. Next time, we will come at an off time, and we will not accept seats at the bar. It’s just not a great payoff. Anyway. This was the summer muffin. Fried egg, beets, tomato. Tasty.

The view from our seats. Our waitress was the bartender and she made Marys like mad all afternoon.

Our appetizer: three mini biscuits with venison gravy. Goodness.

North African sausage with couscous, egg, etc. Spicy and good.

Of course, this was my order. It came out after everyone else was almost done (strike three? I lost count), but it was made free for its tardiness. A slightly overbaked biscuit with a fried egg, slice of cheddar and fried chicken. It’s my kind of sandwich, and I’m not gonna lie, half of it was my breakfast the following morning.

A peek inside…

The last night we were in town we went to 23rd Street, or “Trendy Third” as I’m told it’s called. We went to 23Hoyt, which was excellent, but dark, so the pictures suck. Apologies. But do go there, because it was great. Afterward, we visited a little ice cream shop called Salt & Straw. It’s generally got a line half-way around the block, and I’d read up a bit about its unorthodox flavors, so naturally we needed to go. It did NOT disappoint. This will be a common destination during future Portland trips.

The flavors board. You can taste and taste until you feel guilty.

My choice was the Ox, or foie s’mores. Yes, when I asked to taste it, they asked if I was a vegetarian. Because it has goose liver in it. And it was awesome. Like if you made a buttery, brown sugary cookie with bits of goose liver and crushed it into incredibly thick and creamy vanilla ice cream. There was just the slightest meaty taste to the treat and I was all about it. I’d eat that again in a heartbeat, you guys. All the other flavors I tried were great too. Especially: brown buttered popcorn with pink peppercorns, strawberry honey balsamic with black pepper, sea salt caramel and chocolate gooey brownie. But those flavors are for pussies.

One last shot of the pastry case at Salt & Straw. See you soon, pastries.

Till next time, keep Portland tasty!