Watch out people; it’s about to get way personal up in here.

I’m expecting twins.

Yep, it’s actually two Food Babies, as it were.

NOTE: If you don’t give a shit about my personal life and you just came here to see some food and hear some things about restaurants, no problem. Feel free to continue not giving a shit. Seriously. I will not and cannot expect you to care about my offspring. But, if you are the least bit curious, read on…

Top Ten Answers to Common Questions About foodbitch Being Pregnant:

10. Yes, I’ve been eating for three since March. Yes, that has been pretty effing awesome.

9. No, I have not been drinking. Yes, even at the Austin Food & Wine Festival. I know.

8. Re: this blog #1. I like to think I’m just as funny on an extreme lack of sleep as I am drunk. So obviously I plan to continue to write.

7. Re: this blog #2. The blog has (understandably) become slightly de-prioritized. It’s now ranked one spot below the dog in terms of household importance. And one spot above watering the plants. They’re all dead, so that should give you some insight into my life right now.

6. Re: this blog #3. This blog will not change its “tune.” I can assure you, foodbitch is no mommy blogger. In fact, I officially promise to rarely even mention my offspring, because they are not edible.

5. Absolutely no baby food reviews. Seriously. Don’t ask.

4. They’re due to “soft open” in late October. Restaurant joke! So if you don’t hear from me until Christmastime, don’t panic.

3. I feel good! I never puked, not even once. Mostly I’m just hot as fuck because it’s summer Texas. Buy me a popsicle.

2. They’re probably fraternal, but we probably won’t know for sure… maybe not ever.

1. None of your damn business. (That answer covers lots of questions regarding conception and other too personal questions.)

Yes, I know I should sleep while I can, and that my whole life is going to change. Because I’m not an idiot. Oh, and yes, I’m married. So you can breathe a sign of relieve that this bitch is no harlot.

As you were, my darlings.

xoxo,