Sometimes I think to myself, “I should be a vegetarian. Think of how healthy and skinny I’d be!”

Then I slap my own damn face.

“But sushi!” I exclaim.

“Okay, okay. I could be a pescetarian!”

Yeah, okay. For like a week. Because STEAK.

I fucking love a good steak. And you know what else? I don’t give a shit about wine. I want my good steak with the best quality tequila you can bring me to sip on. If you’re cool with those two things, then we can be friends. If you want me to be a vegetarian, we might have a problem.

Last week, a food writer friend of mine brought me to one of his favorite palaces of meat, Pappas Bros. Steakhouse. Let’s just ignore for the time being the several issues I have with the steakhouse’s name – like the pronunciation of the Pappas family name (said like your sweet old Pappy, not like the Spanish dish papas bravas i.e. “meat and potatoes,” which makes more sense in my head, but whatever), or that they for some reason they have chosen to abbreviate the word “brothers” in their logo so that it reads “BROS,” which is never a good idea.

I was formerly a Pappas virgin. But now that I have popped my Pappas cherry, I can tell you that these bros know how to make some effing delicious meat. This likely comes as no surprise to many of you because you don’t live under a rock. The Pappas family has been doing this for quite some time in restaurants all over Dallas and Houston. It’s just that it was hard for me to prioritize the bros over other cuts of meat in this very meaty town due to the very chain-like nature of their business.

I have never been impressed with the likes of Pappasitos, Pappadeaux and the like. But I’ve always heard great things about Pappas Bros. Steakhouse, and when this particular food writer pro told me it was one of his faves, I knew that it was my time to give it a stab.

And stab I did. Several times. In fact, if I were feeling less ladylike on that particular evening, I might have cut my way through the rest of the 70-day dry aged strip and aged ribeye we only partially devoured during our meal. We also tasted some delectable lamb, the beefsteak tomato & onion salad with Roquefort cheese, the prime beef carpaccio, the skillet potatoes, creamed spinach, huge onion rings and a special: crab mac & cheese. Everything was excellent, but all I could see were those two hunks of beef.

And I mean “hunks” in both senses of the word. I wanted those steaks to be my dates for the evening. They were perfection, even though they were quite different. Like a gorgeous blonde and a hot brunette. Both adorable in their own way, but unique. The 70-day aged strip had Clooney-like marbling and a little bit of blue cheese on the nose, if you know to look for it. The ribeye was just as flavorful but the flavor was different. I don’t know if I could choose just one on another visit.

And the tequila? Fortaleza reposado on ice. It was perfect.

All issues with the place’s name aside (hey, I didn’t make even one single strip club joke!), HUGE, MEATY thanks to the folks at Pappas for having us out for dinner. It was a fabulous evening, and my steak craving was very well satisfied.

And boom goes the dynamite.

Pappas Bros. Steakhouse  |  10477 Lombardy Ln  |  pappasbros.com

DISCLAIMER TIME: Pappas Bros. Steakhouse comped our meal, which I estimate at roughly $300, give or take a glass of wine. That being said, favorable reviews cannot be bought on this site. Just as sarcasm is always real, I am always honest.